Funny Joke

Weight Joke
It’s all a matter of viewpoint. 250 lbs here on Earth is 94.5 lbs on Mercury. Fat? No. I’m just not on the right planet.

Dinner Joke
A cannibal came home late to family dinner.
He got the cold shoulder.

Magic Joke
A magician was driving down the road and turned into a shopping mall.

Drugs Joke
I do say no to drugs.
It’s just they’re not so good at listening.

Job Joke
You can’t fire me!
Slaves can only be sold!!

Exorcism Joke
If you forget to pay for exorcism, will you get repossessed?

Time Joke
Future. The time you’ll wish you’d done more in the current present.

Money Joke
I kept trying to feed money into the change machine yesterday, but nothing changed!

Marriage Joke
I don’t think it would work between us, Larry.
You know, I’m a Libra and you’re an pig.

Drunk Joke
"I wasn't that drunk yesterday."
"Oh boy you took the shower head in your arms and told it to stop crying."

Cleaning Joke
Of course I should clean my windows.
But privacy is important too.

Married Couple Joke
When my wife starts to sing I always go out and do some garden work so our neighbors can see there's no domestic violence going on.

Father Joke
Husband brings the child home from kindergarten and asks his wife, "He’s been crying the whole way home. Isn’t he sick or something?" "No," replies the wife, "he was just trying to tell you he isn’t our Frankie."

Girlfriend Joke
8 p.m. I get an SMS from my girlfriend: Me or football?!
11 p.m. I SMS my girlfriend: You of course.

Police Joke
Two police officers crash their car into a tree.
After a moment of silence, one of them says, “Wow, that’s got to be the fastest we ever got to the accident site.”

Husband Wife Joke
Wait for me honey, I’m just finishing my make-up.
You don’t need make-up, Jane.
Oh, Richard…. really? That is so sweet of you!
You need plastic surgery.

Funny Joke
Broccoli: Hey, I look like a tree.
Mushroom: Wow, I look just like an umbrella.
Walnut: I look exactly like a brain.
Banana: Man, can we change the topic please?


This is a post on the best ever funny joke of all time.

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