Short Jokes

Doctor Joke
Doctor, please, my son ate some cement. What can I do?
First of all, don't give him anything to drink.

Strong People Joke
Strong people don't put other people down. They lift them up and slam them to the ground for maximum impact.

Army Joke
Join the Army, meet some fascinating people, then kill them.

Fight Joke
Never break someone's heart, they only have one.
Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.

Card Joke
“Do you have Valentines cards that say something like “You’re my only one?”
Sure thing.
Wonderful! I’ll take 8 of those please.

Mom Joke
Mom, I’m still having those sharp headaches!
Well why don’t you move away from in front of the dart board then?!

Witty Joke
A mom tells her son a joke; the son is embarrassed and says: "Mom, please don't tell any more jokes. You really can't make them." The mom only shrugs and says, "Well – I did make you..."

Smart Joke
Doctor tells his patient, “I’m afraid you are going to die in a few hours. What is your last wish?” - Patient replies, “I need a good doctor.”

Drowning Joke
How to save a man from drowning?
Try removing your foot from their head.

Hurricane Joke
Why do hurricanes get such lame names, like Sandy?
Name that thing Hurricane Death Megaton 900 and I guarantee folks will be evacuating like they need to.

Disease Joke
A doctor tells a patient, "Sir, you are highly contagious and must be placed in isolation. Until we get in contact with the Center for Disease Control and Prevention, your diet will consist of pizza and fried eggs." "Will that help me get better again?" asks the patient. "Not really. But it's the only thing we can shove in under the door."

Cemetery Joke
A doctor walks in a cemetery one afternoon when a hand shoots through the earth and grabs his ankle. A hollow voice speaks from underneath the ground, "You're a doctor, right? Do you have anything against worms?"

Two Friends Joke
Mother: Son, why aren't you talking to Mark anymore? You used to be really good friends. - Son: Well would you like to talk to someone who is kind of stupid, is using drugs and is drinking alcohol every day? - Mother: Of course not! - Son: Well neither would he.

Rude Joke
Question: I have an extra-large nose, three eyes and thirty teeth. What am I? - Answer: Ugly

Dog Joke
A guy had to move abroad and had to sell his dog. The new owner asks, “And does he like little kids?” “Sure, but it’s cheaper to just buy him dog biscuits.”

Birth Joke
At a birth center: Heavily breathing woman: How long does it usually take for the child to be out since the start of the labor pains? Midwife: About 18 years.

Survival Joke
They say you cannot outrun a bear. True, but don’t panic, usually it is enough to outrun the chubbiest member of your hiking group.


This post is specially kept for short jokes that are funny and good to read for all groups of age.

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