Funny Adult Jokes

This page contains the most mesmerizing funny adult jokes that do not cross the boundaries of decency by a large margin.

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Adult Jokes

Little Johnny Joke Little Johnny comes home from Sunday school with a black eye. His father sees it and says, "Johnny, how many times do I have to tell you not to fight with the other boys?" "But Dad, it wasn't my fault. We were all in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of me had her dress in the crack of her butt. I reached over and pulled it out. That's when she hit me!" "Johnny," the father said. "You don't do those kind of things to women." Sure enough, the very next Sunday Johnny came home with the other eye black and blue. Johnny's father said, "Johnny, I thought we had a talk!" "But Dad," Johnny said, "It wasn't my fault. There we were in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of us had her dress in the crack of her butt. Then Louie who was sitting next to me saw it and he reached over and pulled it out. Now I know she doesn't like ...
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Funny Quotes

My Dad used to say 'always fight fire with fire', which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade. Do the manufacturers of foolproof items keep some fools on their payroll to test out their items? Save money on a bigger TV by simply moving the couch closer to your existing one. WORRIED that your teeth will be stained after a heavy night drinking red wine? Drink a bottle of white wine before going to bed will remove the stains. I have a complex about my simplicity. A team effort is a lot of people doing what I say. Michael Winner A good way to save water is to dilute it. I have opinions of my own - strong opinions - but I don't always agree with them. George Bush The two most common elements in the universe: hydrogen and stupidity. Paying for psychiatrist proves your crazy. My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right. He took an IQ test and the results were negative. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it. No one has ever comp...
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Kid Jokes

Grandson Joke At his birthday party, my grandson said, “I love you,” and I replied, “I love you, too.” Then he said, “I wish you were 5 years old like me so you would be around longer.” Cop Joke A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed until he’s topping 100 mph. The man eventually realizes he can’t escape and finally pulls over. The cop approaches the car and says, “It’s been a long day and my shift is almost over, so if you can give me a good excuse for your behavior, I’ll let you go.” The guy thinks for a few seconds and then says, “My wife ran away with a cop about a week ago. I thought you might be that officer trying to give her back!” Musical Joke When my grandson Gavin was 4 years old, he loved to “play” the piano. Once, when he was done, we forgot to close the lid to the keys. As we walked by later he said, “I better close the piano or the boogeyman will play some scary songs.” Fishing Joke My son Ryan was 2 years old whe...
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